My Queendom for a Word — an Inclusive Word

Yesterday, I came across an affirmation I had jotted down a while ago:

"I rule the country of my mind and the kingdom of my life."

I must have first encountered that saying a year or so ago, and I really liked it — the idea of both having control over my life and the view of my life as a vast domain. In fact, I liked it so much that I intended to put it on my wall in giant letters to remind me daily that I do indeed control the vast domain that is my life. But somehow, I never got around to it. Coming across those words now has caused me to consider why I'd never added them to my Inspiration Wall . . . and as I think about it now, I believe it’s less about procrastination and more about my problem with the word "kingdom."

As a freelance editor who makes her living with words, I may be hypersensitive, but the masculine nature of the word "kingdom" really bothers me — not as a word in the English language, but as it would relate to my using it in a personal affirmation for myself.

It’s not that I don’t understand why we defer to the masculine for mixed-gender groups, but it feels to me that using that language is just lazy and sloppy — as we do actually have more inclusive words we could use. If English had no other words to denote mixed gender groups, that would be a different story. As it happens, though, we have lots of words to describe co-ed collectives.

One of my biggest personal pet peeves is when the server a at a restaurant — male OR female — asks, "What can I get you guys?" This is bad enough in a mixed group — but when they are addressing a party of women, I get extremely annoyed. Yes, it's easier. And yes, I know what they mean. But when my girlfriends and I are out — not a guy among us — referring to us as "you guys" is a death knell for any server's tip.

What are the other options? Oh, I don't know . . . perhaps . . .

Are you ready to order?

What would you like to order?

What can I get you?

What can I get you ladies?

What can I get you all?

Now, I understand that invariably, "you all" comes out sounding like "y’all" — which then leads to questions about your southern ancestry and/or familiarity with Hee Haw . . . but I have to tell you, I’d both rather say and hear "yawl" than "you guys" any day.

I realize I am fussier than most about language, but I do believe precision with our words matters. The person who wants to be clearly understood is responsible for clearly communicating what he or she means. The onus is on the speaker/writer — not on their listener/reader to discern the meaning. I am not a guy. Have never been a guy. Will never be a guy. So I feel perfectly within my rights to prefer to use and hear language that describes me appropriately.

I suppose I should apply this thought process to my affirmation, right?

I rule the country of my mind and the empire of my life.